Resources

I have found many wonderful resources during the last few months. This list will be ongoing so I will be editing as I discover more amazing resources. 

Organizations:

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: Remembrance photography for parents suffering he loss of a child. 

Sufficient Grace Ministries: A ministry designed to offer hope and encouragement to women dealing with the loss of a child.

Allison's Angel Gowns: Beautiful burial gowns made for infants from wedding dresses. 


Websites and Blogs:

She Brings Joy

All That Love Can Do

Still Standing Magazine


Books (I have read or am currently reading):

A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life Is Expected to Be Brief by Amy Kuebelbeck and Debra L. Davis

Waiting With Gabriel by Amy Kuebelbeck

Couple Communication After a Baby Dies by Sherokee Ilse and Tim Nelson

One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie

Angel Unaware by Dale Evans Rogers

Healing, Hope & Wholeness by Ceci Frost


Books (I would like to read): 

Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope by Mary Beth Chapman and Ellen Vaughn

Gone But Not Lost: Grieving the Death of a Child by David W. Wiersbe

Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg


Projects:

Capture Your Grief by CarlyMarie Project Heal


If you have any suggestions you would like to add please comment below. I will be editing this post from time to time to add more. I hope this is helpful to anyone currently grieving the loss of a child.

Needs

I saw this today and thought I would share. I relate to most of these and I think other grieving mothers can too.

Angel Garden Remembrance Ceremony

On May 16th my lovely friend Christina and the bereavement team at Saint Alphonsus organized a beautiful ceremony for families whose children were gone too soon. I was truly honored to be asked to speak at this heartfelt and healing ceremony. At first I wasn't sure I could share but something inside me said that this is something I need to do... I can do hard things in Kellen's memory. What I shared was very short and I had to read most of it because I wasn't sure I could make it through without crying.

These are the words I shared as well as some of the photos of the butterfly release:

"We are here today to remember and honor the precious lives of our dear children. Even though they are no longer with us we remember them lovingly every day. We cling to the memories we have. They were here and they had a purpose.

Through the great pain of losing them we have also experienced great joy. I have often told my husband I would do it all over again even for the same result and I’m sure you feel the same.

That little bit of time we shared meant the world to me. I never knew I could love that much. That love has given me greater understanding of God’s love for us and for that I am grateful.

Even though my son is no longer with me in person I carry his memory and his legacy in my heart. Our children’s lives are intertwined with ours; even though they are gone they are still a part of us and we are a part of them.

I have learned from my son that love is truly a gift that lasts beyond a lifetime.

Thank You for standing with me today in remembrance of all the precious lives that were gone too soon.

I would also like to give a special thanks to the doctors and staff at Saint Alphonsus for their amazing care and for arranging this beautiful ceremony."

(My niece, Payton)

It was a truly beautiful ceremony and I especially want to thank the thoughtful bereavement team as well as the Cloverdale cemetery. 

Anger in Healing

Healing.
It is not a thing you put on your to-do list and cross off when you've accomplished it - Even though I wish it was. It is a process that takes time... maybe your whole life. One thing I do know is that life is never the same. People have told me that eventually I will find a new "normal" but things never go back to the way they were before. People have also told me that I will have good days and bad days. But right now I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster. I have good moments and bad moments. I am thankful for the good because I desperately need hope. I am thankful for the bad too because the great pain I feel has also caused me the greatest joy.
My Pastor and dear friend told me something before Kellen was born that I have thought about several times over the last few months--"Think of grief as a room in your heart. You have to visit it but you cannot live there." Sometimes I am overwhelmed by my grief and decide to stay in that room a little too long. Sometimes I choose not to visit at all and the grief comes bursting out in another area of my life that I wish it hadn't. Both have consequences.
This past week I lived in that room. I felt lonely and isolated. I was an angry person and it showed. And putting my pride aside, I will admit that I acted like an unreasonable child- you know, the one at the store throwing a fit because they can't have a candy bar. Basically, I wanted everything my way and I didn't want to do anything help myself. I was bitter and said things I wish I hadn't. I didn't want to go anywhere or socialize with anyone.
I would be driving alone in my car and Kellen's death would hit me all over again. It felt like the air had been knocked out of me and I couldn't go on. It was like I was back in that hospital room holding my sweet baby boy in my arms and watching the life leave his tiny body. And I can never erase that from my mind and wake up from this nightmare.... But somehow I make it to my destination and put on a brave face. Sometimes not brave enough, because the people closest to you always know.
Today I feel like I am slowly walking out of the intense anger I felt last week but I still feel the lingering effects of my angry thoughts and actions. I was telling Wes Sunday night about how I shouldn't of said or done certain things and he just looked at me and said "It is all good babe, it is between you and God... nobody else". What an amazing man and husband. That is what I needed to hear. There is freedom knowing I messed up and it is okay. I am forgiven. God has washed it away. What a relief!

Dear Stranger

Dear Stranger,

Thank You. Thank you for this precious gift that I will hold dear to my heart forever. Words cannot express what it means to me. Simply, thank you.

Love,

Diana

And I know my wonderful mom had a hand in this too, Thank you! I love you!

This is Kellen's actual footprint miniaturized and made into necklace. This is so amazing!

Mother's Day

I would like to share a post my amazing husband wrote on Facebook. I am so blessed to have such a loving husband. 

"I would like to wish my amazing wife a Happy Mother's Day, although it doesn't seem very happy because Kellen's time with us was so short, I find joy that you were and are an awesome mom to our son! Love. We wonder everyday what our lives would be like with Kellen here, it hurts to think about that, while at the same time bringing joy that we know where Kellen is. Faith. Some days we feel like we can't make it, by the way, I do too, I know that we can make it, and on those days that I feel like I can't, I hold to the hope of things not seen. Hope. You have given me the two most precious things that I have on this earth, yourself and Kellen. I thank God everyday that I am blessed to have you here with me, not only through this time of trial, grief, sorrow, and pain, but throughout my life. Kindness. I can still remember in the delivery room how scared I was that I might lose you. During that time I didn't care if I got to meet Kellen alive, as long as you were safe. I remember the relief and overwhelming joy I felt when I saw Kellen for the first time, not only had we brought a baby into this world, you were safe and Kellen was here, alive! I do wish every day, every hour, every minute, every second that Kellen was still here with us, but I know we will meet again someday. Until then I get to hangout, love on, pester, tease, cherish, and provide for an amazing young lady that Kellen calls mom. You are still a mom! I love you!"

Direction

Lately I have been thinking of the direction of this blog. I started this blog to celebrate and honor Kellen's life and now that he is no longer with us here on Earth I can't help but wonder what direction this blog should take. I don't want to post selfishly about myself or let this blog become venting for my grief. Although writing is a great outlet for grief, I want Kellen's life to inspire and uplift. As I was thinking about this yesterday God gave me a new way of thinking and it was this: Kellen's life and my life are intertwined... he is a part of me and I am a part of  him. Sharing my life and the lives of those who loved Kellen is sharing a part of him. We are part of his legacy.