At times I am too blinded by the massive hole in my heart to recognize the joy of being alive. There is a constant emptiness where a little boy should be. Kellen would be 10 months old today if he was still with us and he would also be celebrating his first Thanksgiving. He is missing out on whole day of firsts- and so am I. I don't want to be bitter, I don't even want to be sad but today I feel the overwhelming emptiness more than ever.
I have plenty to be thankful for. I really, truly do. I need to take a moment and recognize these things.
-God's never ending love and mercy
-An amazing, compassionate husband
-Loving family and wonderful friends
-New job
-A house to live in
-Food to eat
And to Kellen- I am so grateful that I got know you. I would rather live with the pain of losing you than to have never known you at all. I would never trade our time together to rid myself of the lifetime of heart break. I will remember the joy of seeing your tiny fingers and toes. I will remember hearing your soft cry for the first time. I will cherish the memories of each stroke of your cheek and every lullaby. I am grateful and honored I have the chance to love you for the rest of my life.
For everyone out there missing someone special at the dinner table I want to encourage you and let you know you are not alone. You don't have to be happy but there can be joy in the midst of pain- We just have to choose to see it. Be nice to yourself today. Love and blessings to you all.
