Resources

I have found many wonderful resources during the last few months. This list will be ongoing so I will be editing as I discover more amazing resources. 

Organizations:

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: Remembrance photography for parents suffering he loss of a child. 

Sufficient Grace Ministries: A ministry designed to offer hope and encouragement to women dealing with the loss of a child.

Allison's Angel Gowns: Beautiful burial gowns made for infants from wedding dresses. 


Websites and Blogs:

She Brings Joy

All That Love Can Do

Still Standing Magazine


Books (I have read or am currently reading):

A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life Is Expected to Be Brief by Amy Kuebelbeck and Debra L. Davis

Waiting With Gabriel by Amy Kuebelbeck

Couple Communication After a Baby Dies by Sherokee Ilse and Tim Nelson

One Year Book of Hope by Nancy Guthrie

Angel Unaware by Dale Evans Rogers

Healing, Hope & Wholeness by Ceci Frost


Books (I would like to read): 

Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope by Mary Beth Chapman and Ellen Vaughn

Gone But Not Lost: Grieving the Death of a Child by David W. Wiersbe

Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg


Projects:

Capture Your Grief by CarlyMarie Project Heal


If you have any suggestions you would like to add please comment below. I will be editing this post from time to time to add more. I hope this is helpful to anyone currently grieving the loss of a child.

Needs

I saw this today and thought I would share. I relate to most of these and I think other grieving mothers can too.

Angel Garden Remembrance Ceremony

On May 16th my lovely friend Christina and the bereavement team at Saint Alphonsus organized a beautiful ceremony for families whose children were gone too soon. I was truly honored to be asked to speak at this heartfelt and healing ceremony. At first I wasn't sure I could share but something inside me said that this is something I need to do... I can do hard things in Kellen's memory. What I shared was very short and I had to read most of it because I wasn't sure I could make it through without crying.

These are the words I shared as well as some of the photos of the butterfly release:

"We are here today to remember and honor the precious lives of our dear children. Even though they are no longer with us we remember them lovingly every day. We cling to the memories we have. They were here and they had a purpose.

Through the great pain of losing them we have also experienced great joy. I have often told my husband I would do it all over again even for the same result and I’m sure you feel the same.

That little bit of time we shared meant the world to me. I never knew I could love that much. That love has given me greater understanding of God’s love for us and for that I am grateful.

Even though my son is no longer with me in person I carry his memory and his legacy in my heart. Our children’s lives are intertwined with ours; even though they are gone they are still a part of us and we are a part of them.

I have learned from my son that love is truly a gift that lasts beyond a lifetime.

Thank You for standing with me today in remembrance of all the precious lives that were gone too soon.

I would also like to give a special thanks to the doctors and staff at Saint Alphonsus for their amazing care and for arranging this beautiful ceremony."

(My niece, Payton)

It was a truly beautiful ceremony and I especially want to thank the thoughtful bereavement team as well as the Cloverdale cemetery. 

Anger in Healing

Healing.
It is not a thing you put on your to-do list and cross off when you've accomplished it - Even though I wish it was. It is a process that takes time... maybe your whole life. One thing I do know is that life is never the same. People have told me that eventually I will find a new "normal" but things never go back to the way they were before. People have also told me that I will have good days and bad days. But right now I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster. I have good moments and bad moments. I am thankful for the good because I desperately need hope. I am thankful for the bad too because the great pain I feel has also caused me the greatest joy.
My Pastor and dear friend told me something before Kellen was born that I have thought about several times over the last few months--"Think of grief as a room in your heart. You have to visit it but you cannot live there." Sometimes I am overwhelmed by my grief and decide to stay in that room a little too long. Sometimes I choose not to visit at all and the grief comes bursting out in another area of my life that I wish it hadn't. Both have consequences.
This past week I lived in that room. I felt lonely and isolated. I was an angry person and it showed. And putting my pride aside, I will admit that I acted like an unreasonable child- you know, the one at the store throwing a fit because they can't have a candy bar. Basically, I wanted everything my way and I didn't want to do anything help myself. I was bitter and said things I wish I hadn't. I didn't want to go anywhere or socialize with anyone.
I would be driving alone in my car and Kellen's death would hit me all over again. It felt like the air had been knocked out of me and I couldn't go on. It was like I was back in that hospital room holding my sweet baby boy in my arms and watching the life leave his tiny body. And I can never erase that from my mind and wake up from this nightmare.... But somehow I make it to my destination and put on a brave face. Sometimes not brave enough, because the people closest to you always know.
Today I feel like I am slowly walking out of the intense anger I felt last week but I still feel the lingering effects of my angry thoughts and actions. I was telling Wes Sunday night about how I shouldn't of said or done certain things and he just looked at me and said "It is all good babe, it is between you and God... nobody else". What an amazing man and husband. That is what I needed to hear. There is freedom knowing I messed up and it is okay. I am forgiven. God has washed it away. What a relief!