'Capture Your Grief'

Hello friends! In honor of October's Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month I have decided to participate in a healing project called 'Capture your grief' by CarlyMarie Project Heal. Basically, it is a 31-day healing project through photos, reflection and story telling. There are 31 subject prompts and individuals are encouraged to post photos and thoughts on social media although it is perfectly fine to keep a private journal as well. CarlyMarie suggests posting on the 'Capture Your Grief' Facebook page or on a personal blog. There are really no rules except to respect what others post and find 'what heals you'. I've decided that I will post as I feel comfortable--some days I may just post a photo while others I might share something a little more personal. If I start to feel overwhelmed I've given myself permission to miss days and not feel guilty. If you would like to join me or
find out more about this project, click Here.

"Healing, Hope & Wholeness"

These are three beautiful words when you are walking your journey of grief. Recently a dear friend of mine wrote an amazing book titled "Healing, Hope & Wholeness". Through this book she courageously shares her journey of finding hope after the loss of her mother. I love how she is honest and open in her healing journey. Even though her loss is different than mine and our stories are very different, I found myself relating to so much of what she wrote in her book. I would like to share a few passages from her book that really impacted and inspired me:

"There are good and bad days-- you have to take them all, whether you want to or not. Because all of them make you stronger, make you thankful, make you rely on the Lord, and make you you. The beginning of healing, hope and wholeness is accepting that you will have multiple ups and downs and to give yourself grace."

"Ultimately, I was grieving the loss of the future. What I once pictured nonchalantly wasn't possible anymore."

"After a heart has been broken, I picture it being in hundreds of puzzle pieces. With every vulnerable moment, healthy reflection, moments of perseverance, verbal processing, some good cries, some acknowledgement, the Lord's healing, and hard decisions,the puzzle pieces of your broken heart start coming together. One by one, your heartbeats become fiercer. One by one, you start to realize that you don't want to survive-- you want to thrive. I don't see the pieces ever running out. There will always be pieces to mend and healing to walk through. But maybe the pieces are getting smaller and your drive is getting greater?"

This last passage really struck some chords in my heart. Maybe I'm not "there" yet but some pieces are starting to fall back into place... It really is a day by day, moment by moment journey. There is so much pain and heartache in this world and I found this book to be a light. She tells her story with hope and grace and I highly recommend it to anyone who has loved and lost.

Check out Ceci's blog or purchase her book at http://hhwbook.com/

Recorded in Your book

I was reading today in my devotional how everyday was written in God's book. The author was using Psalm 139:16-17 which says "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God!"
Even the day Kellen passed was written down in His book. When I stop to really think about that I realize how sovereign our God is. Even the day Kellen was conceived and his chromosomes were written were in the book. God knew all. I will not lie and say that God knowing and not intervening never makes me disappointed or even angry... I still wrestle with the "whys?"
But, I know that this was God's plan for Kellen's life and Kellen had a beautiful life.
Yes, Kellen's death seems like a tragedy at times... A baby gone too soon.
But, his life had meaning. His life had purpose. And he is not forgotten.
The day we learned Kellen wasn't well was written in the book too. As well as all the days walking through heartache, anxiety, and fear of the unknown. He had it all written in the book. This was His plan. Kellen's life and death is slowly shaping and molding me into the person God planned me to be. It's difficult and not always pretty but I am a better person because I knew Kellen.
Yesterday was September 11th and I think how that horrific day was recorded in the book too. I think about all the fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, aunts, uncles and grandparents grieving for their loved ones. My heart hurts for them. They are not forgotten.